Delusions of attractiveness

I now know I'm not a model!

After recently entering an on-line modelling competition, I can't help but think I'm being a little ambitious... and slightly deluded.

I've never done any type of modelling before, let alone something which will be heavily publicised on a large Rockabilly/Psychobilly clothing website. But yesterday afternoon I found myself sat in front of my laptop uploading pictures to send to them. Its not that I've changed my mind and don't want the job, I do, desperately! But really, what was I thinking?

I wouldn't say I'm that hideous to look at, but some of these girls that have entered are absolutely stunning, amazing figures, cute as a button faces all accentuated by their fabulous professional photographs. 

Some girls on the other hand seem to have plenty of Facebook friends willing to spam the pages of all of their friends to get them votes. Sadly I don't, so I'm at the mercy of the the public! Currently I'm middling which I suppose isn't too bad, considering all I've offered up is a few average holiday snaps! 

Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect to win but the thought of coming last fills me with dread! 

I've never had a great deal of confidence for reasons I won't get into in this particular blog, but over the years my self esteem seems to have improved, or so I thought. 

It wasn't until the company had uploaded my photo's that it dawned on me that I'm far from equipped to deal with the overly harsh and sometimes brutal criticism that often gets handed out by complete strangers on Facebook. 

But more than that, it's knowing that the people I work with have seen me enter, and fail. 

It's the thought of people thinking I'm vain and above my station that upsets me the most.

The people I have to work with are less imaginative to say the least when it comes to their style of dress, and to say that I stick out like a sore thumb would be an understatement! Me, along anybody else who differs from "the crowd" are seen as less than attractive and undesirable. So for me to fail this competition in full view of all of them will be more then a massivive embarrassment!

It's done now anyway, there's nothing I can do about it and like I mentioned earlier... as long as I don't come last I suppose I'll survive all of this!

My photographs are out there another month for all to see... I might see if I can book some time off work until the competition's over! 

xxx